observations

“Wasn’t it gross when there was the card at Target that had the baby panda that said, ‘if I was more thankful, I would puke a rainbow’?”

-Alice Munchkin Kidling

July 3, 2013

 

left field

Wednesday was a beautiful, hot Iowa day. Like any good mother, I planned to spend the day swimming  at the park  at the Natural History Museum  gardening  doing art projects in the air conditioning standing in line for a membership at the Costco that opened that very morning. What? What did you think, I was going to be selfless? Sorry to disappoint. Costco is serious business.

As I hadn’t yet gotten to was saying…

We were driving down the road and chatting away. I stopped to get a cup of good coffee for myself and some juice for The Kidling. We pulled back into traffic and continued toward Costco, chatting away. Did I mention Costco just opened? Yay! While talking about where we were heading and what our plans for the rest of the day were, Alice offered this response:

“Luckily anesthesia didn’t make me puke.”

Hey, that’s exactly what I was thinking! And by “exactly” I mean in no way related to anything even remotely close to what I was thinking.

but in her defense…

Regarding the offending smoothie:

FIne. I admit it. This really does look like puke.

Seriously, lady?! Even I wouldn't eat that smoothie, and I am a brass turtle box!

puke. again.

So, you might have noticed a recent theme (here and here). Replacing boogers—and adding to the passage of gas—we now have “puke.” Also known as Alice’s favorite new word.

______

Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, there was a mother who took the advice of a dear friend and added vegetables to her smoothie. Broccoli, peas, and avocado would accompany the orange, kiwi, and strawberries in their healthful morning breakfast. Joy and pride filled the mother’s heart as she lovingly prepared one of her child’s favorite things.

Calling the child in, the mother delivered the joyful news that she had made a smoothie. The child was surprised and delighted until she laid her hopeful eyes on the smoothie. Crestfallen, that poor child stopped dead in her tracks and declared, “It looks like puke.” And truly it did.

The child began to note the smoothie’s similarity to said puke. Upon reaching a spot-on observation regarding the yellow chunks in the now terribly disappointing smoothie, the mother knew something simply must be done.

So she added more strawberries.

And they all lived happily ever after.

-The End-

The Kidling’s discerning eye

Alice came running into the kitchen on Sunday afternoon, rather worked up. She frantically told me that “There is something that is bad, but it’s not a spider. There is something big and bad and it looks like a big wet spot.”

Uh oh. This calls for an investigation. We went out to the living room and discovered that Annabelle, a sweet little old dog we are watching for vacationing family, had an accident. Poor girl. I guess our mattress-shopping expedition was a bit too long.

But Alice had more to say. It was clear she had put quite a bit of thought into discerning exactly what was on the floor in front of her:

“I saw a wet spot and I thought maybe Annie peed or puked.” (there’s that word again). “Then I thought it was pee because I didn’t see anything that looked like hot dogs. I thought maybe it was pee because I didn’t see anything that looked like rice or hot dogs.”

Ick.

the beauty of taking turns

It was a typical Thursday afternoon. I picked Alice up from preschool and asked about her day. While my questions are usually greeted with such responses as, “I don’t know,” “I don’t remember,” and “We played,” I got an actual story from The Kidling on this day.

The Mama: How was your day?

Alice: Sage threw up.* Someone else threw up first, and then it was Sage’s turn. And guess what?! Caden stepped in the puke!

The Mama: He did?

Alice: Yeah. Just for fun. Caden stepped in the puke just for fun.

Ick.

Please note that Caden’s mom is a lovely human being who would not think it was fun that he stepped in puke. Particularly not if said stepping was purposeful. Also, how did my kid learn the word puke? Seriously!?

* The Kidling’s friends’ names are changed. Just because I think the whole world needs to know what my kid is up to doesn’t mean I think the same is true of her buddies. Obviously.