You have probably heard this before, but The Mama loves her cruciferous vegetables.

And beans.

And green juices.

Which is all to say that I can be a bit… well… gassy. This should come as no surprise to regular readers. “Flatulence” shows up on my list of commonly used tags. And for good reason! See here and here. It should be a little embarrassing. But whatever. The Mama has a body to take care of. If that means I have to be stinky, so be it.

Yeah. Take that, olfactory glands.

Anyway…  I was particularly fragrant one recent evening (which is saying something), and Alice thought there might be a way for me to prevent some of the stinkiness I was inflicting on The Family.

I am indeed raising an optimist.

First, she commanded me to “Flip over on [my] back!”

The better to contain the stench, my Mama.

Then she had a more lasting solution, “Dad’s going to take a giant step. Like THIS! (stomps) Then it’s going to shoot you out of the house and you’ll toot outside!”

I can get on board with that.

creepy crawlies

The Mama can be a bit klutzy. Okay, fine. I am a bit klutzy. There is nothing conditional about it. And while I am being honest, I should probably omit “a bit” from that second sentence to ensure genuine transparency. So let’s start this post over.

The Mama is klutzy. Not once, but twice last week I hit my head on an open cabinet door whilst putting away the dishes. Alice witnessed the second meeting of my noggin with the corner of the cabinet door. She asked me to lean down. Naive mother who I am, I expected a smooch right on my ouch spot.* It came, but there was hesitation. Before I had a chance to wonder aloud about the delay, Alice clued me in: “I looked before I kissed so there was no bugs where I was going to kiss.”

An ounce of prevention…


* Ouch spot is Alice’s term for any discrete location in which she feels pain.