life lessons from the classroom

There is a child in The Kidling’s kindergarten class who seems to cause her some strife. This little dude (L.D.) is feisty, but as sweet as can be… at least when I am in the classroom. While I am a fan of L.D., The Kidling most certainly is not.

One recent evening, we were talking about L.D. and the trouble she has been having with him.

I hope it will be for a very long time that her “boy troubles” are about irritations, rather than rebuffs.

We talked for a while about ways The Kidling could model good choices and about what might be motivating L.D.’s behavior. It wasn’t long before she interrupted me with this wisdom,

“He wants attention and he just attentions us in such mean ways.”

Well said, Kidling. I guess sometimes you just have to step back and let it be.


The Kidling had the good fortune to spend the better part of two weeks with two different sets of grandparents. Yes, she is the luckiest Kidling in the world. No, she was not happy to be home. The fact that she hopped out of the car upon arriving home to find a stack of her artwork in the recycle bin did not ease her re-entry.

Unfortunately, at the top of the stack of recycled masterpieces was a wocket-less pocket. The Mama, being the horrible human being that I am, tore off the feathered head of the wocket before tossing the remainder-pocket and headless wocket- into the stack.

The Kidling was understandably heartbroken. Fits and tears ensued. I held her and talked with her about how we can’t keep everything, blahblahblah. The recycling creates more paper for her to use for her art, blahblahblah. There are more trees in the world when we recycle, blahblahblah.

She wasn’t buying it.

Alice: (crying) Why are there so many noes? Why is it always ‘no’?

The Mama: (calmly) Alice-

Alice: (wails) Why is it always ‘no’? Why, from parents, is the answer always ‘no’?

The Mama: (more calmly) Alice, it isn’t always ‘no’. Mom and Dad say yes to you-

Alice: (interrupts, again. wailing, again.) Why, from parents, is the answer almost always ‘no’? Why is the answer almost always ‘no’? (continues into perpetuity. Seriously. I am pretty sure she is still talking about it, and this was 10 days ago)

I need to learn to cover my tracks.

how to win friends and influence people, kidling-style

“It doesn’t matter how tall you are or short you are or big you are. It doesn’t matter if you have long hair, if you have short hair. It doesn’t matter how much ear wax you have. It matters if you’re NICE! So, if Jameson is the first person who was nice to me, so he was my first friend.”

-Alice Munchkin Kidling
April 16, 2013
(If this statement had been made without faulty “if-then” construction, then it would have been perfect)

fool me twice

What do these things have in common? Besides, of course, evidence of my need to stay away from Sephora and our local drugstore.

12 oz. Suave Kids 2-in-1 Shampoo Smoothers in Strawberry
6 oz. Bumble and bumble Sunday Shampoo
4 oz. Bumble and bumble Super Rich Conditioner
10 squirts TRESemme Touchable Softness Shampoo
3 squirts Laura Mercier Flawless Skin Face Polish

The drain. They have  the drain in common. As in, The Kidling decided they really don’t belong in their respective bottles; rather, they belong in the drain. In our drain, specifically.

Those of you who know me in real life might recall a certain Facebook lament regarding a rather pricy bottle of shampoo. It went something like this, “Saturday lesson: don’t leave a five-year-old child alone in the shower with a $25 bottle of shampoo.”

Well, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I hate being shamed.

Alas, I deserve every little bit of shame you might choose to bestow for an incident that occurred one recent evening. I went into the bathroom to get The Kidling out of the shower and noticed the fill line on my super terrific, super expensive Super Rich conditioner was significantly lower than it had been upon her entrance into said shower. Before saying anything to Alice, I took stock of the situation. I observed:

  • The aforementioned depleted stock of fancy conditioner;
  • An overturned bottle of shampoo that was suspiciously not dripping product from its lid;
  • Some grittiness in The Kidling’s hair; and
  • A very, very clean shower.


So I began the inquisition.

I asked The Kidling which products she had used. She gave me count of the number of squirts she had taken, including a confession that she had used “lots” of squirts from several of the bottles. I asked what she did with so many squirts, and she told me she had washed her hair and body as well as the shower’s walls and floor.

It is hard to be angry with a kid who did exactly what she was told to do in the shower and then decided to clean up after herself just to be nice.

So I laughed. Then I asked, “And when you were done, did you use a little more just to be sure?”


Then, “Yeah.”

I hope she never grows up.