how to win friends and influence people, kidling-style

“It doesn’t matter how tall you are or short you are or big you are. It doesn’t matter if you have long hair, if you have short hair. It doesn’t matter how much ear wax you have. It matters if you’re NICE! So, if Jameson is the first person who was nice to me, so he was my first friend.”

-Alice Munchkin Kidling
April 16, 2013
(If this statement had been made without faulty “if-then” construction, then it would have been perfect)