By “sh*t,” I mean traffic citations. And by “happens,” I mean to me.
As The Kidling and I made our way one from the best birthday party ever–water balloons, doughnuts suspended from trees, sunshine, ombré butterfly cake–The Mama encountered a detour. I was in a part of town in which I rarely drive, and I was driving a vehicle I am not used to. I was nearly back on our usual route when I saw flashing lights in my rear view mirror.
Say it with me, Dear Readers, “Shiiiiiiiiit!”
That’s a good start. This time, with feeling: “SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!”
Much better. Now, where was I?
The Officer: License, insurance, and registration please.
The Mama: Okay. I am going to reach into my purse and get my license. (Grabs license then looks for other materials. A full minute passes as she looks for her current insurance card) 2011, 2009, 2012… 2010… I am so embarrassed. 2010, another 2012. 2013! (Hands materials to The Officer)
The Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
The Mama: Honestly, no. I never drive this vehicle, so I’m guessing I was speeding?
The Officer: No, you just blew through that four-way stop back there.
The Mama: What four-way stop?! Where?
The Officer: Do you see where that car is turning? Right there.
The Mama: Really? I don’t see a stop sign.
The Officer: Well, you can drive back there and look–
The Mama: No, I believe you. I just don’t see it.
The Officer: Just a minute while I take these back. (Returns to his patrol car. One second passes, then–)
The Kidling: I’m so embarrassed!
The Mama: Why? You didn’t do anything wrong. Mom did.
The Kidling: I’m so embarrassed. I told you not to go so fast!
The Mama: Sweetheart, I wasn’t speeding. Apparently there was a stop sign back there that I didn’t see.
The Kidling: Why?
The Mama: I don’t know, babe. I don’t drive this way often and I just didn’t see it.
The Kidling: Why did he have to pull us over? Why is he back there? I told you not to drive so fast! (Many more admonishments as The Kidling discusses real and imagined transgressions)
The Kidling: I don’t suggest you tell your husband about this.