things i never thought i would say

When one takes the plunge and decides to procreate, there are certain things one anticipates saying at some point in the near future.  “Don’t pick your nose” almost certainly tops that list for the vast majority of breeders. Less expected utterings from The Mama have included:

“Don’t bite your toenails!”

“No, let me wipe your butt.”

“Don’t lose your underwear.”


“Leave your labia alone.”

I sense another post of this title in the not-so-distant future.

About The Mamahttp://kidlingville.comProfessional talker, editor, emailer, problem solver, adjunct lecturer, blogger, and mother to the brilliantly absurd Kidling.

30 thoughts on “things i never thought i would say

  1. My friend’s 18 month old does the labia thing at every diaper change and bath time. I keep wondering if it’s a habit, a comfort thing or if she’s trying to tell me something (she’s behind on speech). I just let her do it unless it’s at a time where she needs Desetin then it’s “NOO!!” and how fast I can strap that diaper on.

    • Totally agree with you. I only say this when her skin is irritated. Same goes with this rough patch of skin under her mouth right now. She doesn’t seem to believe me when I tell her the more she messes with sensitive skin, the longer it takes to feel normal. Some day she will learn that The Mama is always right. Until then, I shall nag.


  2. Just imagine how much weirder the “things you never thought you would say” get when you have 3 kiddos under the age of 6 . . . like “don’t bite your sister’s toenails” 🙂

  3. Love! I write down some of the things that I say to Emilia or that she says to me, and they just never stop being hilarious. But then I slack and the book only has half a page of good stuff written in it. 😛 I have good intentions. You should definitely keep posting these here!

    • It’s funny: I so rarely even consider writing down the things I say to her. It only finally occurred to me the day I told her to stop biting her toenails… I will definitely keep better track, though!

  4. My husband was reflecting on the same subject the other night after he was yelling at our 3 year old to, “Get in the bathroom now, and push some poops out!”

  5. Leave your labia alone? I didn’t find out what a labia was until last year. Do you also tell The Kidling, “No physics books at the dinner table” and “You can’t play with your death ray until you’ve finished cleaning up your room?”

  6. I remember saying, “We don’t put Legos in our vagina.” Interestingly, went from 1st person plural to 1st person singular. I suppose we don’t put Legos in others’ vaginas either….

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