When one takes the plunge and decides to procreate, there are certain things one anticipates saying at some point in the near future. “Don’t pick your nose” almost certainly tops that list for the vast majority of breeders. Less expected utterings from The Mama have included:
“Don’t bite your toenails!”
“No, let me wipe your butt.”
“Don’t lose your underwear.”
and
“Leave your labia alone.”
I sense another post of this title in the not-so-distant future.
kidlingville 
“Leave your labia alone” That is probably the best one!
I know. What can I say?! My life is a hoot.
Thanks for stopping by! Hope to see you here again soon!
Unbelievably, perfectly brilliant. Another fabulous little piece, Christine.
You are too kind, Lisa.
Believe it or not, she really did lose her underwear once. Hence, this comment.
Happy Friday!
My friend’s 18 month old does the labia thing at every diaper change and bath time. I keep wondering if it’s a habit, a comfort thing or if she’s trying to tell me something (she’s behind on speech). I just let her do it unless it’s at a time where she needs Desetin then it’s “NOO!!” and how fast I can strap that diaper on.
Totally agree with you. I only say this when her skin is irritated. Same goes with this rough patch of skin under her mouth right now. She doesn’t seem to believe me when I tell her the more she messes with sensitive skin, the longer it takes to feel normal. Some day she will learn that The Mama is always right. Until then, I shall nag.
Cheers!
Just imagine how much weirder the “things you never thought you would say” get when you have 3 kiddos under the age of 6 . . . like “don’t bite your sister’s toenails” 🙂
Oh, I would love to spend a weekend in your home, Kate! How is YOUR Alice doing?
Love! I write down some of the things that I say to Emilia or that she says to me, and they just never stop being hilarious. But then I slack and the book only has half a page of good stuff written in it. 😛 I have good intentions. You should definitely keep posting these here!
It’s funny: I so rarely even consider writing down the things I say to her. It only finally occurred to me the day I told her to stop biting her toenails… I will definitely keep better track, though!
My husband was reflecting on the same subject the other night after he was yelling at our 3 year old to, “Get in the bathroom now, and push some poops out!”
That. is. amazing.
Christine! We are in the same brain today! My post today was “Things Only a Mom Would Say.”
Of course having a boy, I don’t say labia as often as I’m sure you do. Lol I do have to remind him often that “These are actually mama’s breasts, not yours.” more than I thought I would.
http://mamacravings.wordpress.com/2012/11/15/things-only-a-mom-would-say/
Um, that is a hilarious post, Casi. I especially love the cheese bit. Alice adores dairy, and would eat it all day even if she didn’t poop for a week.
Cheers to the odd joys of motherhood!
LOL! I can’t believe we posted such a similar post on the same day.
Eli is convinced that dairy is all you need in the world. I’m working on explaining how the colon works. He just gets excited that we are talking about poop. Le sigh.
Ick.
Leave your labia alone? I didn’t find out what a labia was until last year. Do you also tell The Kidling, “No physics books at the dinner table” and “You can’t play with your death ray until you’ve finished cleaning up your room?”
In fact I do. Have you been spying again?
The jig is up. You can find the spycam hidden in your chandelier.
Nice try. My house is o-l-d old (which is different from regular old). Ain’t no chandelier here. You must be peeking in the windows, old school. If you aren’t careful, then I will sic my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel on you. You best watch yourself.
2/3 mine are boys so “Do not pull on your brother’s penis!” is atop my list.
Holy hilarious. I wonder what would happened if mothers and fathers collected a week’s worth of these? We would giggle for days…
We need a site like “Damnyouautocorrect.” 🙂 We’d make millions.
While this brilliant idea is atop my mind, I think the mother of an Alice would much appreciate this story from th e mother of an Ender: http://nothingbythebook.com/2012/09/06/1712/
I love Ender, and I think your blog just might be amazing. Thanks for the link!
p.s. Please tell me you hadn’t taken a drink from the fateful mug. Please.
Or billions. Seriously, this shit is funny!
Oh boy! This having a baby things sounds awfully interesting.
“Leave your labia alone.” LOL!
It is quite interesting. It also happens to be the most amazing and rewarding thing to ever be such a pain in the arse. Go figure!
I remember saying, “We don’t put Legos in our vagina.” Interestingly, went from 1st person plural to 1st person singular. I suppose we don’t put Legos in others’ vaginas either….
I do believe you are correct on all points. No person shall put any legos in anyone’s vagina(s). Vaginas are officially a lego-free zone.