just not a fan

A little Sunday afternoon treat (and an apology for the dry well. I promise a full week of posts scheduled, as usual, for 8:07 am)…

“I’ll put the paper by Dad’s spot and your spot. I’m not a fan of reading the paper because I can’t read.”

-Alice Munchkin Kidling

September 17, 2012


Whaddaya think? Yay? Nay?


Okay, so the real story is that even though I have notebooks full of material, I have writer’s block. For the first time since I started this thing. Back tomorrow? Fingers firmly crossed.

on climate

On numerous occasions over the course of the summer, Alice and The Dada talked about our unseasonably dry weather. Alice being the thoughtful kidling she is and The Dada being the well-informed dad he is, they had some detailed conversations. You see, The Dada is the one responsible for Alice telling her daycare teachers about the floods in Japan. I, well… I’m just glad he was the one on the receiving end of these inquisitions.

Until Saturday. On Saturday Alice asked me about our summer weather.

Alice: Why did we have a drought this summer?

The Mama: I don’t really know, Alice.

Alice: Maybe because Europe got the water and we didn’t!

Something like that.

cardinal, ordinal, kidlingal

Smart as my wee child is, ordinal numbers are something of a challenge. Given that there appears to be neither rhyme nor reason, I can’t say I blame her.

So when we got doughnuts Sunday morning, Alice had a rather charming way of keeping track of the fair allocation of our nasty little delicious confections. While we ate, she counted, inquiring first how many The Mama had had (answer: one), followed by a line of questioning on The Dada’s consumption. When he informed her he was on doughnut number two, she clarified through repetition:

“So that’s your two-ith doughnut?”

I sort of hope she never learns those pesky ordinals.


Hey, do you remember The Dictionary? Yeah, me neither. But I think we have our first entry in a very, very long time:

Two-ith: adjective. Immediately following the first. An ordinal number for two. Syn. second.


due process

The Kidling is interested in many things. Dinosaurs, the solar system, cake… her interests know no bounds. In addition to those rather expected fascinations, Alice is obsessed by bad guys. Not to be confused with bad boys, whom I hope never capture her fancy. In The Kidling’s mind, “bad guys” are a narrow category consisting of burglars and selfish people. A bit simple, but you can’t argue with her accuracy now, can you?

So it was nothing new when we were headed to get doughnuts Sunday morning and she began jabbering on about those rascally bad guys. Again.  This time the topic was fear, and the people who typically inspire terror in her little kidling heart.

“I’m not scared of any helping people. I’m just scared of bad guys.”

Which makes sense. I’m a bit scared of bad guys myself. But then she continues, pontificating on precisely what ought be done to said bad guys.

“Maybe our niceness can turn them to good.* And if not we’ll take them to jail— no— we’ll take them to the police and the police will take them to the judge and the judge will decide what to do with them.”

Someone knows too many attorneys.


* Surprise! She takes after her optimistic, if naïve, mother. There are worse things.


phonics gone wrong

The Kidling started pre-school this fall and positively adores it. Her teacher (who is pretty terrific) labeled each of their little cubbies with the student’s name and an animal that begins with the same letter. Clever, no?

Alice gets to be an ant.

So earlier this week when Alice was showing me a piece of construction paper cluttered with no fewer than 45 stickers work of art, I wasn’t at all surprised when she began her story about the ant sticker front and center on the page.

Alice: (point to a picture she made at preschool that morning) I put an ant on there because A starts with ant.* And Alice. And apple. And crocodile!

The Mama: Do you mean alligator?

Alice: Yeah! And Maddie starts with the same letter as gorilla!

The Mama: You mean monkey?

Alice: No, gorilla. (sprints to the bathroom. Whilst using the toilet, continues sounding out words) Guh Guh Maddie. Guh Guh Guh Guh Guh Guh Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmmaa  Mmmaddie.

And she remained convinced. She also maintains she doesn’t learn anything at school. I beg to differ.


* A starts with ant, ant starts with A… close enough.

racing rainbows

You might recall that The Family recently got a new (to us) car. The Kidling was irrationally understandably sad about the whole thing. The Honda was the only car she had ever known and we got it long before Alice was a twinkle in our eyes. In fact, we got that car when The Kidling was more like an anxiety attack. Tightness in our chests, dizziness, and an acute inability to breathe.

It was one old car.

We have told The Kidling she needs to treat this new (to us) car nicely because it is the car she will drive when she is a big kid. She protested. Said she didn’t want to. Insisted she would rather drive the Honda. Ignored my explanation that the Honda was built when The Mama was still in high school.

Then she went to Plan C.

The Kidling: Oh, I want my own rainbow race car. I want my own race car rainbow car. One that wins all the races. (growing excited) And then, sometimes you’ll have to watch me win the race. (practically yells) Get me the fastest race car ever!

The Mama: Race cars are pretty dangerous, dear. I don’t think that’s the best idea.

The Kidling: (exasperated) No, Mom! When I grow up!

The Mama: I know you don’t mean right now, but they are still dangerous.

The Kidling: Why?

The Mama: Well, race cars are really fast, and driving that quickly can cause accidents. It just isn’t safe, sweetie.

The Kidling: Remember where Dad was?* That’s where I’m gonna race. So I’m only gonna work on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Only on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. (thinks a moment) When do you go to work?

The Mama: Monday through Friday.

The Kidling: When do I go to school?

The Mama: Monday through Friday.

The Kidling: Oh. (pauses) Then I’ll only race on Saturday. I’ll only race on special occasions. So, okay, Mom? I’ll get a race car. (satisfied with the strength of her argument, she prepares to move on to another topic)

The Mama: Maybe. (decides to try a different line of reasoning) You’ll have to save up.

The Kidling: Why?

The Mama: Race cars are expensive.

The Kidling: Why?

The Mama: Someone has to make them, and they are really carefully engineered.

The Kidling: Oh. (The Kidling is incredulous) So somebody makes them?

The Mama: Yes.

And I didn’t hear another word about it. I think she was making new plans to be an automotive engineer. Would you care to guess what I think of that?

Right on, baby girl. You stay on the other side of that wheel.


* The Dada took a ride in a race car in July. We totally had this coming.


On the occasion of tasting her first bite of lobster, shriveling up her nose in disgust, and forcing the offending bite down her gullet, Alice offered a thought:

“It was good that meat wasn’t still alive, because it might have pinched me!”

-Alice Munchkin Kidling

September 15, 2012