Wednesday was rough. You see, The Kidling started pre-school this week. Though she loves it, she is tired. Fatigued. Exhausted. Plum worn out. And, though you know The Kidling well, dear readers, you might not know that when she is tired she turns into a monster. After a particularly difficult evening, we had this conversation at bedtime:
The Mama: (tucking Alice in) Good night, Sweetie. Happy dreaming.
Alice: Will you sleep with me?
The Mama: No, Baby. I’m not going to bed yet.
Alice: Why do you always sleep with Dad and not with me?
The Mama: Well, we are married. That’s how it works.
The Mama: People who are married usually sleep in the same bed.
Alice: Can I be married with you?
The Mama: You have to be a grown-up.
Alice: Can I be married with you when I’m grown up?
The Mama: No—
The Mama: Well, Sweetie—
Alice: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BWAAAAHHHHH!
The Mama: Alice—
Alice: BWAAAAHHHH! Why can’t I be married with you?
The Mama: We can talk about it when you grow up.
Alice: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW!
The Mama: Well, Moms aren’t allowed to marry their kids.
Alice: BWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Why won’t you marry me?!
The Mama: It’s just against the rules, Sweetheart.
Alice: BWAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why can’t kids marry their moms?
The Mama: Because we are already a family, Alice. When you get married, the idea is to make your family bigger. Since we are already a family, we don’t need to get married.
Alice: BWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! But I want to be married with you!
The Mama: I know, Sweetie, but those are just the rules.
Alice: But I want to live here!
The Mama: If you want to live here, then we can talk about that when you are bigger.
Alice: No! I want to live here!
The Mama: Okay.
Alice: I don’t want to get married.
The Mama: That’s up to you. You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.
Alice: (pauses to think) But I still want the cake.