hard-knock life

The Kidling hates having her hair washed. Sound familiar? Probably because you’ve read those words here at least a quarter dozen times (half-dozen would be an exaggeration and three just doesn’t sound significant). Or because your kid is a pain in the arse around bath time, too.

The other day Alice did the most obnoxious bath-time balancing act: the Cooperate and Kvetch. Putting aside that I should probably rush to the nearest attorney and copyright that before I regret it, I will risk everything and continue. Aren’t you lucky The Mama is such a devoted blogger?

The Cooperate and Kvetch happens like this: The Kidling does exactly what she has been told to do but whines, moans, and complains throughout the entire episode. It sucks because parents—this parent in particular—hate to do anything to discourage cooperation. Like correct the Kvetch and sacrifice the Cooperate.

But it is Just. So. Annoying.

On this particular night during this particular bath time, Alice delivered this soliloquy whilst enduring the horror that is the shampoo, (a full minute of random grumbling) Life is not fair because I do not like life. It’s a hard-knock life. It’s a kid life. It’s a fun life.”

What’s that? Fun? I’m fairly certain she didn’t mean to say that, but I’ll take it. A little free association—where kid leads to fun—and she forgot how much she hated the fear of getting water in her eyes.

Lucky Mama.

 

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About The Mamahttp://kidlingville.comProfessional talker, editor, emailer, problem solver, adjunct lecturer, blogger, and mother to the brilliantly absurd Kidling.

13 thoughts on “hard-knock life

  1. Ah, the truth comes out! Bath time is fun! Has she been watching Annie?

    Bath time was getting so hard in our house, with all the complaining and procrastinating, I finally wrote a check list on the shower wall with crayon outlining every step of the process. My daughter helped think through it and wrote some of the actions too. It has really helped!

    Thanks for another funny post. Love that Alice!

    • Not lately, but we do have it. It is really horrifying! I didn’t remember that when I thought to myself whilst shopping, “Oh, Annie! I loved that movie! I should get it for Alice!” Bad move. That Mrs. Hannigan is one nasty old lady.

      • You’re so right. I see it with completely different eyes now that I’m a mom. When I was little, I just wanted to be Annie. I used to sing those songs while rollerskating in my driveway. “The sun will come out, tomorrow!” Have a great night!

  2. It is a hard knock life — IF YOU’RE AN ORPHAN. Man oh man, kids can be such ungrateful little gits. (My kid refused to nap or eat properly today, so I’m bitter. I’ll have more wine and come back happier.)

    • Seriously. Sometimes I want to flick her and say “Helllllloooooo! You have a roof over your head, books to read, toys to play with, healthy food to eat, and parents who worship the ground you walk on. You should thank your lucky stars you ungrateful little git.”

      Sorry, I couldn’t help but steal that last little bit from you. Oh, and do’t worry. I’ve never actually flicked my child.

  3. Well you could just shave her head and put her in a curly red wig. She practically already knows the whole musical score. Then you could just wash the wig, and those hardly ever complain. (You would also have to invest in the red dress and dog just to complete the look.)

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