fabricated consequences

In her comment to the no-grow blues, Kathy—one of my favorite readers (and bloggers)—mentioned what she was told when she wouldn’t eat dinner. As a child. Not last week. Kathy was warned, “If you don’t eat it, you’ll shrivel up and blow away.”

Oh yes? That sounds like a threat for The Mama. And I wasted no time. I tried it at dinner that very night when Alice was appalled by the spinach and chickpea patties and steamed edamame I dared to set on her plate.

The Mama: You’d better have a few more bites, Alice. If you don’t, you might blow away.

Alice: (shoots crazy look at The Mama) What?!

The Mama: You need to eat, or you will blow away. You know how paper blows around in the wind? You will too if you don’t eat.

Alice: But I’m staying down.

The Mama: It isn’t windy. If it were, you would blow away.

Alice: No I won’t. Remember gravity?

Damn. I need to start lying to this kid.

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About The Mamahttp://kidlingville.comProfessional talker, editor, emailer, problem solver, adjunct lecturer, blogger, and mother to the brilliantly absurd Kidling.

41 thoughts on “fabricated consequences

  1. HAHAHAHAhahaha! My Gramma would be proud! If she had internet. Which she doesn’t. I think a lot of the horror of that particular saying was the image I would get of myself as a brown, discarded husk, wafting away in a breeze. I think Alice is either smarter than I was, or less literal. Maybe both.

  2. This is awesome, I am not saying that you just got served but she just turned your attempt to make her eat into a debate about basic principals of physics.

  3. She’s too smart for your Jedi Mind Tricks. My parents simply wouldn’t allow me to leave the table until I’d eaten all my food. Every night was like a scene out of “Mommy, Dearest.” Eventually, I came up with methods of emptying my plate, but those are top secret, future blog fodder.

    I think the fact that you failed to include the “shrivel up” portion of the threat may have been the problem. Shriveling is much more terrifying than blowing away. I suggest that you tell her that if she refuses to eat, you’re going to sell her to the gypsies. That’s what I tell the cats when they piss me off. It doesn’t work, but they’re cats. They’ve never even seen a gypsy.

  4. Remember the scene from Parenthood when Steve Martin’s sister’s little girl is speaking in french and then Steve Martin’s son comes running in with a bucket on his head and runs into the wall? I think that’s what would happen if our children ever met up.

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