a big, fat lie

The Kidling is a really terrific human being, but she is not a good listener. Please note the italics. “Not a good listener” is fundamentally different from “Not a good listener.” Trust me on this.

Now, once upon a time The Kidling was neither a good hearer nor a good listener. We shoved some tubes in those little kidling ears of hers and fixed all that. Now she has no excuse. Which is good, because she doesn’t bother making them. Oh no, The Kidling ignores The Mama and The Dada with malice aforethought and wanton disregard for the mental well-being of The Parents.

This is all, of course, one very long synonym for “naughty.” And as many of you know, “naughty” is simply a very short synonym for “four-year old.” So why am I selling out The Kidling for the whole world to see (and by “the whole world” I really mean the 100 or so of you who will stop by the book of alice today)?

Because The Kidling is a liar.

Yeah yeah, I know. I can hear you all gasping in the blogosphere:  “But Christine! Alice is sweet, charming, funny, clever, wise, loving, strong, brave, and witty.” I wholeheartedly agree. But she is also a big, fat small, skinny liar.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire.

Want proof? We spent last weekend at a campground with The Mama’s family. One of her very sweet cousins was being a stinker at dinner time. Alice peered down the picnic table at him before declaring to her grandfather, “He’s not following directions. It is important to follow directions. I always follow directions.”

I call bullshit, Alice Munchkin Kidling. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.

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About The Mamahttp://kidlingville.comProfessional talker, editor, emailer, problem solver, adjunct lecturer, blogger, and mother to the brilliantly absurd Kidling.

37 thoughts on “a big, fat lie

    • Yay! That is the best first comment I have ever gotten! Welcome to the book of alice, Ashleigh! I hope Nora doesn’t suffer for your amusement.

      Cheers!

    • Precisely, Shannon. The funny thing is, later that same night she told me, “I was going to refuse to follow your directions” as I was tucking her in. Um, sweet dreams to you, too?

      • Well at least she warned you that she didn’t intend to listen to you. Mine just pretends and tells me he doesn’t understand understand me even though I know he did.

        Have I told you about the time mine made me chase him through JCPenney’s twice? Then he hid under one of the displays back against the wall so I couldn’t find him which freaked me out. Finally I held onto his arm so he couldn’t run off which was also a poor choice because he made me nail my shoulder on one of the clothing racks and I ended up with a huge bruise. On top of that, he was pulling all the price tags of clothes. And that was just one trip.

        Be glad you have a girl because even if they say they aren’t going to listen, it’s not as bad.

      • Also, my comment reply boxes keep disappearing on me and forcing me to have typos I didn’t create. Please ignore that “understand” appears twice in my previous response. I had to type the whole thing twice because when I was proof reading it, it disappeared and I had to start all over.

    • Oh, you are so positive Kamellia. Will you come over to tell me to look on the bright side of things tonight at 7:30 when Alice is throwing a fit about bed time?

      • Hmmm… let me check my calendar…sorry. I have an appointment to “scream at my 6 year old to wash her hair” at that exact same time! It’s followed by an appointment to: “drink another glass of champagne from that bottle from New Year’s that I finally opened.”

        • Once I finish washing The Kidling’s hair, can I come to your place to calm down with you and your champagne? I can bring a bottle of wine for you to open in six months…

          😉

  1. They say that the ability to lie is an important developmental milestone and survival mechanism, but “they” might be the same people who claim that being shat upon by a bird is good luck, in which case they are also full of “aspirational truths” and should kiss my white, motherly @ss.

    • Oh Fathead. “They” are the cause of all of life’s problems, no? They say you should ignore negative behaviors. They say you should reward positive behaviors. They say you shouldn’t use food as a reward. They say…

      You know what I say? Eff they.

      Cheers, kindred mothering spirit!

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