Not a circus. The circus. My life is the Circus. Or, at least, it was on Monday. Oh yes, Alice Munchkin Kidling went to her very first teeny tiny outdoor circus. And she was smitten.
It all began on the walk to our seats. Alice overheard a parent telling her worried child not to be afraid of clowns. This child was not convinced. The Kidling—who has myriad inexplicable fears—could not understand this child’s dilemma.
“I’m not afraid of clowns. Someone’s afraid of clowns. But I’m not. A clown is really just a person who’s dressed up. They don’t know that a clown is really just a person who’s dressed up.”
We took our seats and the show started.
Okay, so it didn’t happen exactly like that. We took our seats, they tried to sell us 347
pieces of plastic crap souvenirs and 19 types of 100 percent unnatural, high-fructose corn syrup snacks. Alice wiggled around and asked two dozen times where the elephants were. Then the show started.
They began with big cats doing very small tricks. Alice was impressed regardless. Gasps and applause filled the air as The Kidling declared, “Those tigers are aMAZing!” Frankly, the tigers looked like they needed a nap but no four-year-old, first-time circus attendee would notice such a thing.
those bastards the emcee announced that there would be elephant rides! During intermission only! Buy your tickets in the center ring! No indication of whether these tickets cost $1 or a student loan payment in our five-college-degree household. Oh no, you have to walk down to the center ring with your child to investigate. Jerks.Guess who got to ride an elephant.
Of course, Alice has now modified her career goals. Oh yes, she wants to be “a circus one.” Please note that “one” substitutes for “worker” in The Kidling’s vernacular. Being the dedicated little future “circus one” that she is, Alice wanted desperately to practice as soon as we left the circus grounds.
“Let’s circus now! I’m gonna be a real circus person, so I’m gonna practice. I’m gonna circus here!”
Sigh. Not on the concrete, Alice. Please?
Alas, we got home. As we tucked a very over-stimulated kidling into bed, we talked about her evening. I asked, “Did you enjoy yourself?” To which my little goose replied, “No, I enjoyed the animals. Not myself.”