the big question

Let’s start this weekend off right, shall we?

Friday afternoon, The Kidling asked me The Big Question. She did not propose, though she has done that before. No, she asked something far more difficult for me to provide a proper response. Without giggling, that is. The Kidling was concerned about whether she is older than The Kidd-o, or whether The Kidd-o was actually born first. I told her that, in fact, The Kidd-o was older. The Kidling was understandably ticked.

The Kidling: But you told me I was older!
The Mama: No, sweetie, [The Kidd-o] was born ten days before you were.
The Kidling: Why?

And this, dear readers, is where it gets good. I began a windy monologue on how babies are born when they decide to. Babies come out, I told her, when their bodies are strong enough and they are ready to live in the world. The Kidling, delighted at her autonomy from a very young age, listened carefully. After a brief pause while she processed what I was telling her, she asked…

The Kidling: How’d you get me out anyway?
The Mama: Actually, dear, you came out of my vagina.
The Kidling: (very long pause) Whoa. (giggles) That’s funny. (another long pause) Vaginas? (yet another very long pause) So I got peed out? In the toilet?

At this point The Kidling began verbally working her way through the details: home birth vs. hospital birth, toilet vs. bed… Surprisingly on-point insight was interspersed with a lot of “that’s funny.” I confess we were driving during this conversation, so I jotted her funniest utterings on the back of my “to-do” list when we were parked at stop lights. Unfortunately, I had to sacrifice some pretty funny stuff to the far more important priority of our physical safety.

I know. I apologize.

Her final wisdom on birthing came with the observation that “you came out of Grandma’s vagina, then I came out of your vagina.” The significant time lapse between these events clearly did not register. Which is why I love living with a four-year-old.

And lucky for you, I write this sh*t down.   

 

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About The Mamahttp://kidlingville.comProfessional talker, editor, emailer, problem solver, adjunct lecturer, blogger, and mother to the brilliantly absurd Kidling.

26 thoughts on “the big question

  1. Ah Alice – where would all of us be without your wisdom, and your mother’s brilliance in writing your comments down! I giggle with you both..:-)

    • Mimi, you would be drinking your coffee without unwittingly stepping into a landmine of anatomical correctness. You would probably be A-OK without us. That said, I sure am glad you are here.

      Cheers!

  2. I thought, for sure, that you’d use “vagina” as a tag this time. C’mon! You’re throwing around the V-word as often as I am these days.

    This, as always, is hilarious. I have to spy on other people’s conversations in coffee shops to get awesome stuff like this. You essentially have a blog generator packed into a four year old’s body. Maybe you guys could move to Florida – to my town – and then I could spy on your conversations and I could stop writing about my humiliating life episodes. No one would know that I’m spinning the same stories as you because mine would be completely embellished and over 2,000 words long. I would also include a lot of italics and crossed out words. What do you think?

    Finally, I get the feeling that Alice sees herself as the last doll in one of those Russian nesting doll sets – she’s inside of you and you’re inside of Grandma. I don’t know why, but that image came to mind. After I scrubbed the image of your mother’s vagina from my mind…with bleach. So not fair to throw that image out first thing on a Saturday morning. I was eating.

  3. Just discovered your blog and love it! Very funny story! I found this even harder to explain to my son as he (obviously) does not have the parts I was referring to. We settled on calling it a “special hole” and had to clarify that it was not the same as the ones pee and poop came out of. Conversations I never thought I would have… 🙂

    • Hey there! I’m so glad you found my wee blog and got a good chuckle!

      I cannot imagine how funny the conversation was about birthing via your special hole. How ever did you contain your giggles?!

      Thanks for stopping by! Cheers!

    • Thanks, Tatum. Kids are unreal, aren’t they? I couldn’t be this funny if I tried. Oh, to be a kid and actually appreciate how amazing it is…

      Thanks for stopping by. Come again! Bring your friends. And neighbors. And pets. Especially cats. Alice loves cats.

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  5. Apparently, our daughters are cut from the same cloth, as well. A strikingly similar conversation concluded with her asking about whether women peed and pooped during delivery. I never even considered that possibility until I took a childbirth class!

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  7. Strangely enough, as a doula, I never thought to tell my daughter babies come from vaginas. We’ve talked about birth and pregnancy a lot, she talks about her ovaries and she’s actually watched(and asks to watch) birth videos, but just now when I asked her where babies come from her answer was “from your belly”, when asked how babies get out of their mamas bellies she said “through your bellybutton”, when I told her the truth her answer was “why?!”…then as I explained she was perfectly okay with it, though she’s still asking me questions about it.

    • She probably just didn’t connect the two, wouldn’t you say? It is not as though it really resembles what she sees as part of her own body on a daily basis.

      How old is your daughter? Enjoy all of the questions… Alice took it upon herself to explain childbirth to all the kids at her daycare (http://wp.me/pSIki-jA). I nearly died laughing when her teachers told me about it.

      Cheers!

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