The Kidling spent the weekend being showered with love, sugar, and fun by her Grandpa and Grandma (Confidential to G&G: don’t pretend mass quantities of refined sugars weren’t consumed. I know you). Three dear cousins were her accomplices. In other words, she was in heaven. All good things must end, though, and yesterday we high-tailed it to an undisclosed location for the trade-off.
Though Alice was forced to initiate a pre-emptive pee before leaving the rendezvous point, she had to use the toilet before we made it safely home. Toward the end of her hour-long monologue on zoo creatures and play experiences, she shouted, “Ow! I have to go poopy!”
Now, before I go on, I should back up a bit. The Kidling has a history of saying very loud, very personal things in public:
- Exhibit A (documented here): On occasions too numerous to count, Alice Munchkin Kidling has declared full-voice while on errands, “I have to go pee too badly! It is rightatthefrontofmyvagina!” Please note that the run-on word is to be said rapidly, as one word. Yes. Like that.
- Exhibit B: Sometime shortly after she turned three, Alice Munchkin Kidling went through two phases simultaneously. First, she needed privacy to use the toilet (though it was pronounced “privaseat”). Second, she made very loud grunting noises whilst moving her bowels (along the lines of, “Hrgh!”). When combined, these two things left me holding the stall door closed whilst sheepishly looking at other restroom users as The Kidling grunted her way through her bowel movement. Awesome.
Why, you might ask, did I feel the need to enlighten you on such indelicate matters? Well, first of all, it is my blog. I can write whatever the hell I want. Second, I want to ensure you have some context for Alice’s insistence on vivid descriptions of where her waste products are in relation to her body and the outside world. Third, (see, “first of all”). Now, as Alice was saying before I so rudely interrupted:
“Ow! I have to go poopy! My poop is right here (points to her butt) at the opening of my poop thing! I need to go now! It’s about to get out on its own!”
Thank god she was wrong. At that moment, we a crested a hill that obscured a rest stop. We were saved.