on beauty

I have previously mentioned The Kidling’s propensity toward honesty. Typically, said honesty falls into the “total” category, yet it occasionally crosses over to “brutal.” Please, no comments about what it is going to be like when she turns 14. I don’t want to hear it.

La la la la la la la la. I’m not listening. Hmmm hm hm hm hm hm. La la la la la la. What? Oh, you’ve stopped? Good. Don’t try that again.

Where was I? Oh yes, honesty. This story refers to the brutal variety. You probably saw that coming.

First, a confession: I really like to look in the mirror at The Kidling and The Mama. A lot. I pick her up, find a mirror, squish my face next to hers, and stare. I know it is a little weird and a lot narcissistic, but with my limited understanding of genetics and biology, I am forever amazed by all of the people I see in her tiny, perfect face. The Mama and The Dada, sure, but also myriad uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins… her face is like a little window into our past.

And, well, I admit it: we are just so darned cute together. There’s that, too.

But Alice sees it differently. Just a few days ago, she was pondering her mouth. I have no idea why, so don’t ask. Whilst considering their beauty, she declared of her lips, “Mine are like red strawberries. Yours are like… like… pink strawberries that aren’t very healthy.”

Thanks, babe. Consider the ego checked.

say what?

Whilst vigorously mussing up the lovely hairs on her head, The Kidling declared:

“I’m vegetarianing my hair! I’m just making it crazy!”

-Alice Munchkin Kidling

April 22, 2012

a little bit of funny for the weekend

I know you all hate having to wait until Monday morning for a giggle-inducing bit of funny from The Kidling. I feel for you. I have no idea what I would do without 24-7 commentary (Yes I do. I would have time to bathe regularly. Or I would be sane. But probably not both).

So, here it is. A bit of Alice Munchkin Kidling to take you into the weekend:

A few nights ago, Alice was taking her day clothes off to get into her pajamas. As soon as she was fully undressed, she plopped on the floor and stuck her skinny, naked butt into the air before declaring, “I’m gonna have a stinky fart!”

Such manners. At least we were warned.

the accidental confession

It never ceases to amaze me that children consistently act against their own self-interests. Throwing fits to parents who never cave, demanding something they would have been given had they asked nicely… and confessing to misfeasance that might otherwise have gone undetected.

Knowing this, I ought not have been surprised by the events preceding dinner one recent day (okay, it wasn’t that recent. It was two whole weeks ago. I am way behind on turning my notes into blog posts…). Alice was playing nicely upstairs, and I was cooking in peace and quiet. As far as The Mama knew, all was right with the world. Then, Alice came down the stairs and implored, “Don’t be so mad when I color on me.”

Now, I know the day will come when I wish she would fess up so readily. Even knowing that, I simply can’t help but wish she’d be a wee more protective of her own self-interest.

character development

Whilst playing one recent day, Alice created a cast of characters for us to roleplay. My favorite (I should probably say least favorite)? “Christine No-No”

The Mama: Why is her name ‘Christine No-No?’

Alice: She’s just a character.  (long pause)  Because she says ‘no’ all the time.

Hmm. I think I’ve been called out.

daughters and…

The Kidling has a very firm grasp on the English language. While The Mama readily admits her own propensity toward the superlative, Alice has the most impressive vocabulary of any four-year-old I know. Sorry, parents of other four-year-olds in my life. They are pretty fabulous, too. Just… well… not quite as fabulous. Disappointing, I know.

Why am I telling you this? Well, besides the obvious reason (gratuitous kid-promotion), it is a very long way to this next sentence. I am always taken aback when she consistently forgets a simple word. Case in point: male offspring, known to you and me as “son.” The Kidling, however, prefers “sonshine.”

Which, of course, means we get to add a word to The Dictionary. Some things are worth a minor misunderstanding, no?

Son-shine: noun. The male offspring of a parent. A male person adopted as a son.

back off my magnadoodle

I recently made the strategic error of shaking The Kidling’s Magnadoodle to clear the screen. I know. I thought she would appreciate having a clean slate on which to create new masterpieces. I know. Naive, Mama.

When Alice discovered the blank slate, she asked accusingly, “Why did you unrase that?!” She was ticked, but at least we have a new entry for The Dictionary. The Mama is an optimist.

Un-rase: verb. To make new by clearing existing marks. Undo + Erase

tubes for one and all

Wookie? Rookie? Snooki? I have no clue what you are talking about, Alice.

As I mentioned Monday, The Kidling spent last weekend with her adoring grandparents. While recounting her many adventures to The Dada and me, she told a detailed story about their car ride to the zoo. It involved calling all passing vehicles “wookies” and pretending to throw “big fat mommies” and “big fat daddies” at said wookies. Or was it “rookies?” “Workies?” “Snooki?” I truly had no idea what she was saying.Okay, I made up the last one. Notice it isn’t in blue. That’s your clue that The Mama is full of it. But I just couldn’t resist a gratuitous celebrity mention (I learn from the best).

The point is, Alice was telling a story but could not get past the fact that The Mama did not understand the name of the game. Obviously frustrated with me, she finally declared: “Maybe you need to get tubes, too, because you can’t hear me. You can’t understand me. Maybe you can get those today.”