selling out The Mama

You guessed it: another fart story.

We were shopping at a big home improvement store last weekend when The Mama *ahem* passed gas. Alice chose this exact moment to engage me in conversation in the precise location in which the crime—um, I mean, the bodily function—occurred. I firmly believe that being flatulent is punishment enough; there is no way The Mama should have to stand around and inhale the wretched air. So I did what any parent would do: I leaned down and whispered into Alice’s ear, “Hey, I just passed gas, and it’s pretty stinky. We should walk that way and catch up with your dad.”

Sometimes candor is my greatest downfall.

Alice sprinted down the aisle and caught up with her father juuuust after she passed the couple walking the opposite direction (whew!) and said, “Hey Dad! There’s stinky gas back there! We better run!”

I didn’t raise no fool.

Postscript: I just used “fart” as a tag on this post. Seriously. This might be a new low.

About The Mamahttp://kidlingville.comProfessional talker, editor, emailer, problem solver, adjunct lecturer, blogger, and mother to the brilliantly absurd Kidling.

13 thoughts on “selling out The Mama

  1. I tried to use a fart as a weapon on the weekend, when I’d had enough of waiting for my wife to pick out hair products at SuperStore. I informed her, after much deliberation on her part, that I had just tooted, and perhaps she would be wise to make up her mind quickly and get out of this section of the store. The sad part about this story is that I don’t believe she heard me, as she didn’t respond to my comment. As I said it, though, someone walked around the end of the aisle and looked right at me, scowled, then walked away.

  2. Also, I completely approve of your endless fart stories, as well as tagging this post as “fart”. A new low? Ha. I don’t think so. A new all-time high for blog posts everywhere? Yes!

  3. I throughly enjoy using random funny tags for my posts – don’t consider it a new low, consider it a new place for your creative out pouring. Even if it is the word fart. 🙂

    • For some reason I really don’t like “fart” either, and I am by no means a linguistic prude. I wonder if there are any studies that address our attitudes toward taboo words…

  4. Awesome! Out of the mouths of babes. If it makes you feel any better, my step-mother delivered a horrible ass burp in a department store, then blamed it on a couple of old ladies. For years, my father told the story about this awful fart that emanated from these poor old crones…until my stepmother finally fessed up. Then, of course, if you really need to feel better, you can just read one of my posts — I’ve embarrassed myself much more than you have – particularly when it comes to farting. You’re golden, girl! I LOVE that “fart” was one of your tags. It’s means you’ve truly arrived and you are now truly free. I mean, it can’t get much worse, right?

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