on flatulence and optimism

This past weekend, The Family was driving through a nearby town known for being… fragrant… A town that frequently elicits such comments as, “What’s that sme– oh. We’re in Nearby Town.”

Well, on this fine winter’s day, Nearby Town was not at fault.

The Mama was.

I *ahem* passed gas (please pretend you don’t notice this is a theme. Please.). Being the terrific role model that I am, I said, “excuse me.” Mind you, I could have tried the aforementioned line. The one that blames the stink on Nearby Town. But I didn’t. Good mama.

Now, I expected a typical Alice response. Something along the lines of, “Ewww. I don’t even want to know about it!” Or a benign, “You’re excused. You were already excused.” But not this day. For whatever reason, Alice’s olfactory sense (or her optimism) tricked her. Instead, I heard:

“I smell something good. Like those crackers we eat. It smells good, like crackers. Not like exhaust.”

I think the next time someone asks for an interesting or little-known fact about The Mama, I shall tell them my gas smells like crackers. It can now be cited as fact. 


About The Mamahttp://kidlingville.comProfessional talker, editor, emailer, problem solver, adjunct lecturer, blogger, and mother to the brilliantly absurd Kidling.

10 thoughts on “on flatulence and optimism

    • Ahhhh! I giggled uncontrollably at this comment. I might offer that pardon the next time someone passes gas.

      Cheers, Ravyn. I hope things are going well with your big transition.

  1. If we should ever meet, and I smell crackers, and I really don’t care if we happen to be in a cracker factory at the time, I’m blaming you.

    I wish that my toots were met with such a warm reception!

    • The real question, Cristy, is what type of Jolly Rancher. Grape I might believe, but cherry? No way. If that’s his claim, he is full of it.

      And thanks, as always, for your kind words. You’re the best!

      • Green apple, I believe. But I’ll have to clarify with him. He does like watermelon, too. Regardless, it’s a complete, utter lie. We have a “roll down the window” rule in the car for burps and farts. Doesn’t matter if it’s cold or raining – courtesy roll-downs are required.

        You’re the best, too. I’m changing the definition of best so that lots of people can be the best. Wouldn’t that make the world happier?

  2. Pingback: another near miss in Nearby City « the book of alice

  3. Pingback: prevention | the book of alice

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